Sex Ed
by Fading into the background
Summary: Nanao-chan is growing up, much to the surprise of her Taicho.  Stand alone one shot rated M for mature themes, sex talk, and language.  No lemons involved.


"You have to leave right now," Nanao hissed trying to shove all the supplies off the table and back into the other girl's bag.

"It's Kyouraku Taicho," Rangiku said rolling her eyes, "He won't care."

"Matsumoto-san, I'm serious," Nanao argued again, and Momo leapt for the bag in Rangiku's hands and got it down to where Nanao could continue to shove things back in it.

"Nanao-chan," Kyouraku's voice sang from right outside the door of her barracks. She'd felt him coming when he started down the hall, but there was always a fight when Matsumoto was involved. "Can I come in?"

"Just a moment, Taicho," she called as she pushed Rangiku over so that she could steal the manga the girl was sitting on trying to prevent Nanao from getting to it. Momo was looking quizzically at a banana, and Nanao rolled her eyes and grabbed it from her hands shoving it quickly into the duffle along with everything else before kicking the bag under the bed. Then she bounced to her feet and opened the door a crack to see the familiar smiling face of her Taicho. "Yes, sir?"

"Not a very warm greeting, Nanao-chan," he pouted.

"Sorry Taicho, did you need something?" she asked.

"The new fukutaicho can't figure out where anything is and he keeps interrupting my naps to ask me, as if I would know," Kyouraku grumbled.

"So just run away from him like you have with all the others before him," Nanao said sternly putting a hand on her hip, which had only recently taken on a more womanly shape, and letting the door creak open a little wider.

"Well that's the real problem," Kyouraku said looking abashed. "He must have gotten someone from the kido corps to do a spell that restricts my movements to the 8th, and I can't figure out how to get it off. My bets are Yama-jii helped him, and while I don't mind a good tying up now and then I prefer it be a beautiful woman instead of a baggy eyed male fukutaicho." Rangiku laughed behind her and her Taicho lifted his eyebrows as he tried to look around her and the door and see who else was with her.

"Sir," Nanao snapped drawing his attention back to her. "I highly doubt I'm skilled enough to break something the Soutaicho and the kido crops enacted. Besides that, it could be against regulation and frankly if the Soutaicho wants you here I don't see how that's any of my concern."

"Fine," Kyouraku grumbled and then placed his hand on the door. "Guess I'll just have to hang out and hide with you girls then."

"Taicho," she chastised in her best stern voice.

"More than welcome to Kyouraku Taicho!" Rangiku shouted from behind her. "You might even be able to help with a few questions."

"Matsumoto!" Momo shrieked obviously embarrassed.

"Really?" he asked smirking down at the flustered teenage girl in front of him. "And what are you and your friends up to Nanao-chan?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "Come on, out in the hall. I'll look at the kido spell and see what I can do." She quickly stepped out of the room and shoved at his arm to get him to step back.

"No need to be pushy," Kyouraku said with a laugh. "I'd do anything my cute Nanao-chan asked."

"Except leave," she grumbled putting her hand up to his chest and feeling out the lines of reiatsu around him.

He gave a yelp of surprise as she went a little deeper investigating his reiatsu and she realized she should have warned him, but she'd frankly been too agitated to care what he thought was appropriate. She just wanted him to get gone before Matsumoto could say anything else.

"Nanao-chan is aggressive today," he commented.

"Sorry Taicho," she said insincerely. "You want this spell off, I have to go a little further than usual." She'd been his nursemaid on more than one occasion and didn't think much one way or another about having such intimate contact with her superior's reiatsu. On one of her very first missions after Yadomaru-fukutaicho's disappearance, she'd gotten gored through the chest and he'd had to literally flood her with his own reiatsu to keep her alive till they got to the fourth. After that she'd always figured he knew her inside and out and there was no reason to try and hold back.

"Nanao-chan can do as she likes," he said with a small laugh although she could feel that it made him a bit uncomfortable. For how friendly the man acted, he didn't actually share that much with most people if she thought about it. As much as he'd been down deep in her reiatsu she supposed she'd never had to return the favor. It had never occurred to her that he might have anything to hide from her. It was somewhat enjoyable to, for once, not be the one that was getting embarrassed, but she backed off a bit all the same.

"There," she said more to herself than anyone else. She moved back over the catch she'd discovered in his reiatsu and closed her eyes focusing as she sunk a bit deeper again in that particular spot. She hummed softly to herself as she examined it. It was a delicate piece of work, brilliant really. "It's wonderful," she murmured having had little chance to get this close to such superb kido work in the past.

"Can you get rid of it?" Kyouraku asked.

She ignored him and went deeper, gently prodding at the spell and the surrounding area with her own reiatsu. Nanao was already almost positive she wouldn't be able to break it, at least not anytime soon. It really didn't matter anyway though, as it was a time degrade spell and it would be gone within the next few days, but she couldn't help wanting a better look. It was fascinating and had her doubting her decision not to enter the kido corps. They'd offered again last month with a bigger salary, but really if they'd wanted to entice her what they should have brought her was something like this. She twisted her own reiatsu in further, feeling the kido out and sinking into the layers of the spell, and was startled when she was shoved back a step by a pair of warm hands on her shoulders.

"Can you get rid of it?" Kyouraku repeated and she could see the flushed discomfort on his face. That was new.

"Nope," she said with an easy smile that she hoped mocked his own whenever he had embarrassed her. "It really is an exquisite spell. What I wouldn't give to see them do it."

"Hey now," Kyouraku said narrowing his eyes. "It can't be that amazing."

"Want me to take another look?" she asked hopefully.

"Only Nanao-chan could get this worked up about a kido," he said rolling his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure the corps would understand," she shot back feeling embarrassed all over again. How quickly the tables turned.

"You want to go to them? Nobody's stopping you," he said frostily, and she must not have been able to hide the look of surprise on her features because his face instantly softened. Usually when she threatened to go to the Kido Corps he would whine and cajole and eventually beg his intelligent hard working Nanao-chan to stay in the 8th where she belonged. "Sorry, Nanao-chan," he said. "Being cooped up is making me go stir crazy."

"You could just do your work, sir," she commented still smarting. "I'm sure they'd let you go earlier."

"That'd just reinforce that it works and they'd do it more often," he argued. "There's no way to get it off?"

"Not with my current skill," she said with a shrug. "I could maybe do it in a month or so, but it will have worn off long before then."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"It has a time degrade in it," she said with a nod. "It should only last for a few more days."

"Thank kami," he said looking relieved.

"Your sake stores getting low?" she asked snorting, and suddenly things were back to normal again.

"Like you wouldn't believe," he said with a grin.

"Have a good evening, sir," she said turning back to her room.

"But Nanao-chan," he whined. "I'm still bored."

"You can join us!" Matsumoto yelled from the half open door.

"Wonderful," Kyouraku said barging passed Nanao.

"Are you crazy?" she sputtered, not sure if she was talking to him or Matsumoto. "You're going to spend the evening hanging out with a bunch of teenage girls? Doesn't that strike you in the least bit as being inappropriate?"

"Eh," he said with a shrug settling cross legged on the floor. He pulled a small flask of sake out of his robes and grinned. "It's Friday, everyone else has gone out to the bars. Besides how inappropriate could it be? Just leave the door open or something. What are you girls doing anyway? Braiding each other's hair? I'm rather good at that. You can ask Jyuu-chan if you don't believe me."

"Not exactly," Rangiku said with a giggle.

"Ran," Nanao hissed again.

"What? It's perfectly natural," she defended.

"Oh so its boys," Kyouraku ascertained. Momo proceeded to turn a flaming shade of red and Kyouraku smiled. "So what? Are you talking about crushes? Playing he loves me, he loves me not?"

"More like trying to figure out what it is with men and tentacles," Rangiku said easily.

Kyouraku choked on the sake he'd just taken a drink of and Nanao thumped her head back against the wall of her room. She was going to kill Matsumoto later. No better yet she was going to figure out how to do the kido they worked on Kyouraku and tie the woman up in her own division.

"I mean really." Rangiku continued on blithely, "I don't get what's wrong with regular sex pictures." She reached into her bag, which she'd dug out from under the bed, and pulled out her print of the _The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife _and Nanao seriously contemplated fleeing. She hadn't known what she was in for when she'd invited Momo and Rangiku over for tea. Rangiku had just returned from her first mission to the living world and apparently toured every erotica shop she could find buying whatever caught her fancy. Which resulted in the current picture on display of a woman and some octopi twined together. "Wouldn't men prefer to be doing it themselves? I don't get the Octopi."

"Where did you get this?" Kyouraku asked looking at Nanao for the answer.

"It's certainly not mine," she said horrified that he thought it was. He was pretty much the last person she needed to witness this particular humiliation. "Blame Matsumoto-san. We didn't ask her to bring this stuff here."

"You're so prude," Rangiku said rolling her eyes. "It isn't a big deal. Is it, Kyouraku Taicho?"

"Uh, well," he said uncomfortably.

"You shouldn't be saying or showing any of this to a Taicho," Momo said quietly looking almost as horrified as Nanao.

"Oh come on," Rangiku said. "We've got the best source possible right here. Isn't that right, Kyouraku-san?"

"Er, I," he stammered again for once looking awkward too.

"Like this," Matsumoto said as she continued to dig in her bag and pulled out a book of shunga drawings. "Is that position even really possible?"

"Rangiku!" Nanao yelled.

"What? We've got to know someday," she said with a shrug. "What happens when that boyfriend of yours wants to do something and you don't know anything?"

"You have a boyfriend?" Kyouraku asked turning to her.

"He's not my boyfriend," Nanao defended wondering how many hours of therapy on Unohana's couch it was going to take to get over this particular incident.

"Do you hang out after work with him?" Rangiku asked.

"Yes, but"

"Does he pay for things like dinner and stuff?" she asked interrupting Nanao.

"Occasionally, but"

"And you did say you thought he might have tried to kiss you the other night and chickened out," Momo added thoughtfully.

"Momo," Nanao yelled. "I said I didn't know."

"He tried to kiss you?" Rangiku shrieked. "I knew it! He's totally your boyfriend. See you need to know how to use one of these!" She reached into her bag and pulled out another object.

"Akon-san and I are just friends," Nanao defended, and then against her better judgment asked, "And what the hell is that?"

"Condom," Rangiku said smiling. "So you don't get knocked up and have super brainy babies."

"What do you do with it?" Momo asked taking it curiously and obviously forgetting the current situation.

"Who's Akon?" Kyouraku inquired interrupting the conversation.

"Kid from the 12th," Rangiku said lightly. "Just got horns."

"Horns?" Kyouraku asked looking horrified. "Is that some kind of slang?"

"No, Kyouraku Taicho," Momo said lightly. "He got physical horns on his forehead."

"12th people," Rangiku said with a shrug.

"It isn't that strange," Nanao said defending her friend.

"Horns turn you on, Nanao-san?" Rangiku teased.  
"It really isn't any worse than a bunch of tattoos," Nanao shot back knowing a certain tattooed male had started following her blonde friend around a month or two ago.

"Hey, whatever floats your boat," Rangiku teased. "I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to practice." Then she tossed something else from her bag to Nanao who caught it without thinking. As soon as she looked down she dropped it just as quickly. "Oh for goodness sakes, it's just a dildo."

"Matsumoto-san, this is highly inappropriate," Nanao said kicking the offending object back over to her. It skittered to a stop an inch from Kyouraku's knee. "Kyouraku Taicho, I'm so sorry."

"Oh like he hasn't seen one before," Rangiku said rolling her eyes and reaching over to pick it up. "Got any good stories?" she asked him bluntly.

"I, er, think I maybe should be going," he said anxiously getting to his feet.

"Come on, we already asked Unohana Taicho and she just gave us the dry sex talk," Matsumoto whined. "And romance novels can only get you so far, although Nanao-chan has some good ones. We need some real life stories."

"Rangiku, shut up. And the Tales of Genji is not porn, it's an important historical read. It's not my fault you only read the sex parts," Nanao said sharply. "Thanks for coming Kyouraku Taicho. Sorry I couldn't help more."

"That's alright, Nanao," he said looking somewhat dazed. She winced as she realized he'd left the chan off the end. As much as the endearment drove her crazy, the lack of it just confirmed how strange everything had just gotten. "You girls don't stay up too late." Then he hightailed it out of the room.

"Are you trying to make it so that I can never look my Taicho in the eye again?" Nanao asked sinking down against her door.

"Hey, they were all legitimate questions," Rangiku argued. "I still say we should have gotten real answers instead of the wishy washy crap Unohana-san was giving us."

"It wasn't wishy washy, it was a medical perspective," Nanao said. "And I don't know why you dragged me to that either."

"Come on," Rangiku said laughing. "You aren't in the least bit curious about what happens with all those women going in and out of your Taicho's quarters?"

"His private life is his own," Nanao said.

"Why are there two guys in this story?" Momo asked flipping through a hentai manga Matsumoto had brought back. She flipped the page and said, "Oh."

"Even Momo-chan is more adventurous than you," Rangiku teased.

"Matsumoto, I'm serious, that was probably the most horrifying moment of my life," Nanao said.

"You'll get over it," Rangiku said shrugging. "Besides it's not like Akon-san is just going to want to hold hands forever. Wouldn't you rather be prepared than getting a big surprise? Well, at least we hope it's big."

"Rangiku, I'm sure I will be fine without all this," Nanao said feeling a headache coming on. She wasn't even sure she liked Akon that way yet.

"Really? Do you even know how to do oral?" Rangiku asked.

"Oral what?" Nanao sighed.

"I think she means this," Momo said holding up the book she was looking at for Nanao to see the print.

"Kami, put it away," Nanao said blushing.

"Is that what you're going to say to Akon-san?" Rangiku teased.

"Akon-san and I are not even dating," Nanao repeated tiredly.

"All the more reason to keep this," Rangiku said holding up the dildo again.

"I can't believe you brought that out in front of Kyouraku Taicho," Momo said looking at it.

"Like I said, I'm sure he's had the chance to inspect one in the past."

"He's never going to speak to me again," Nanao said simply. "Or he's going to tease me until I curl up and die."

"Don't be so dramatic," Rangiku said waving her off. "Maybe he'll tell you something good to share with the rest of us."

"If Kyouraku Taicho ever starts telling me sex stories, I'm running the other way," Nanao said firmly.

"Prude," Rangiku chastised again. "Aren't you the one always telling me to expand my mind and listen to my elders?"

"I'm going to have to avoid him for the rest of my life," Nanao moaned throwing herself down on her bed.

"Oh stop it, I didn't even pull out the cock ring or the lube," Rangiku said.

"The what?" Momo asked.

"Here, I'll show you," Rangiku said. Nanao just groaned and buried her head in her pillow. This was not the way she'd imagined her Friday night.

* * *

This was most definitely not the way he'd imagined his Friday night. He'd thought he'd make a quick stop at Nanao-chan's and get this spell off, and if that didn't work he'd harass her for a little while until she agreed to a game of Go or something. Kyouraku had never even taken into consideration that she may have guests and be busy with something else. Especially not _that_ something else.

"What's the emergency?" Jyuushiro asked bursting in through the office door. Shunsui lifted his haori sleeve off of his eyes and looked forlornly up at his best friend. "What happened? Do you need me to get Retsu-san?"

"It was awful Jyuushiro," Shunsui said sitting up.

"What was?" he asked. "I get your hell butterfly and none of it makes sense."

"They were talking about sex," Shunsui clarified.

"Wait, what?" his old friend asked confused.

"Nanao-chan and her friends had a bag full of sex toys," he explained morosely.

"Why on earth was Nanao-san playing with a bag of sex toys around you?"

"Matsumoto-san from the 10th was showing them."

"Oh," Jyuushiro said and then sat down in a chair.

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Shunsui asked getting to his feet. "They had a dildo!"

"So what?" Jyuushiro asked shrugging.

"So what? It's Nanao-chan, Jyuu," Shunsui said sharply. "She's too young to be around those things."

"Didn't Yadomaru-san read her the Tales of Genji when she was just a little bitty thing? I remember you thinking that was funny."

"That's an important historical piece of literature," Shunsui defended. "Plus she was too young to understand it."

"Shun, she's a teenager, what did you think was going to happen? She'd think boys had cooties forever?"

"No, I thought she may want to hold their hands one day or flirt with them over paperwork," he argued. "Not go out and get some hardcore porn and a dildo! And certainly not with a boy with horns."

"Horns? Is that some kind of slang?" Ukitake asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, the boy has actual horns apparently. One of the 12th's creatures I'd suppose."

"Oh, right, Akon-san."

"You knew about this?"

"I've seen him with Nanao-san a few times. I didn't think anything of it."

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" Shunsui demanded.

"Like I said, I didn't think it was a big deal," Jyuushiro said with a laugh. He obviously did not understand the importance of the situation. "So Nanao-san has a boyfriend? Good for her. Although Sentaro-san will be a bit disappointed."

"Your fifth seat? Why?"

"Shunsui, did you seriously not notice the way he'd get all flustered whenever the girl would come with you to visit?"

"Are you saying he liked Nanao-chan too? She's just a kid!" Shunsui grumbled starting to pace.

Jyuushiro laughed and leaned back further in the chair. "She's almost an adult Shunsui and you were banging the maids long before her age."

"Yeah, but that's because I was a deviant, Nanao-chan is all proper and particular," Shunsui defended, unable to mesh this new Nanao-chan with the one in his head.

"When she's with her Taicho, sure," Ukitake said smiling. "Who knows what she's like after hours."

"You're enjoying this," Shunsui accused.

"I've just never seen you this worked up about a little thing like someone's sex life before."

"Nanao-chan does not have a sex life," Shunsui said firmly. "Oh kami."

"Now what?" Jyuushiro asked amused.

"That horned boy is going to die."

"Whoa, Shun, hold up," Jyuushiro said standing to stop his friend and currently really grateful Kyouraku wouldn't be able to make it passed the property lines. "What'd he do?"

"He's a teenage boy, that's what he did. Do you think I don't remember all the thoughts that went through my head when I was that age? No way he's getting my Nanao-chan to do any of those things."

"Shunsui, he's probably just as innocent as Nanao-san," his friend comforted.

"Like hell. First off, teenage boy. Second off, have you ever met people from the 12th? He's going to be like oh no, Nanao-chan, trust me this is normal, and get her to do all sorts of perverse things because she doesn't know any better. And the hentai Matsumoto was giving her! She's going to think threesomes and anal are a good idea for your first time. Or that Octopi are an appropriate sex toy."

"Octopi? Shunsui, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Kami and if he has horns who knows if he has tentacles or not. It'd be just like the 12th."

"I don't think the boy has tentacles, Shunsui."

"And what if she's too embarrassed to let Rangiku show her how to use the condom? What then? You know no boy is going to take the responsibility if she's letting him go without and he's probably not skilled enough to keep up the kido during the whole thing. No, it's better if I kill him now."

"You can't get off the premises," Jyuushiro pointed out.

"Fine, you kill him," Shunsui demanded.

"I'm not going to kill him and neither are you. Nanao-san is mature enough to handle herself and I'm sure they aren't sleeping together yet."

"She's not mature that way, Jyuu," Shunsui argued returning to pacing the room. "Yeah, she's a genius with kido and office stuff, but she's barely got any friends and she takes what people say to heart so easily. One boy told her her glasses were ugly when she was a kid and she was bumping around the office for a week without them before I could get her to tell me what was wrong. What if he does something like that to her or makes her feel weird?"

"Everybody goes through it, Shun," Jyuushiro comforted. "She'll be fine."

"She's softer than everyone thinks. Remember when Kaien-san kissed her on the cheek under the mistletoe last year? She avoided him for a month she was so embarrassed. And kami, Jyuu she doesn't even think. I had her look at that kido spell on me today and she pretty much felt up my reiatsu without even being aware of it. She was tangling hers up with mine like an old familiar lover and didn't even imagine that it was a big deal. What if she does that with some moronic boy that doesn't know she's not coming on to him?"

"Shunsui, you can't do anything about it unless you really are going to scare off all her suitors," Jyuushiro said lightly and then saw the glint in his friend's eye. "And no, you can't do that. Besides you know as well as I do Nanao-san is about the most respectful person ever. She only takes those liberties with your reiatsu because you haven't given her any boundaries and she trusts you. It's not like she's felt me up, and I haven't heard anyone else complain about it."

"When did she get so old?" Shunsui asked with a sigh, sinking back down into the couch.

"She's still your Nanao-chan," Jyuushiro said kindly.

"Until she's some idiotic boy's Nanao-chan," Shunsui said morosely. "And he's talking her into some degrading sex game."

"That you've probably participated in at least a dozen times," Jyuushiro said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, but not with girls like Nanao-chan," Shunsui growled.

"I thought you said it was always the quiet ones that did the most sordid things," Jyuushiro said repeating a mantra Shunsui had uttered many times over the years. It'd been decades since Jyuushiro had seen his old friend this flustered and he was honestly kind of enjoying it. He had no doubts Nanao was probably nowhere close to doing the perverted things Shunsui was imagining, but there'd be no convincing Shunsui of that for a while. Might as well have some fun with it, especially when he really physically couldn't kill the innocent boy. Shunsui stood up quickly and started sorting through a desk drawer. "What are you doing Shun?"

"I'm going to sit her down and tell her what's normal and what isn't, and then I'm going to teach her the contraceptive spell, and then I'm going to show her a kido spell that will make the bastard's balls explode."

Jyuushiro winced at the last one and finally stood up. "Shun, I'm not entirely sure she'll be wanting this talk from you."

"Well that's too bad. No one is talking her into the Wheelbarrow position without her knowing exactly what it is first."

"Maybe we should let the girls sort this out among themselves," Jyuushiro offered.

"She isn't going out there without all the facts," Shunsui said determinedly digging deeper into the drawer.

"I really think you should let her friends handle this, Shun," Jyuushiro said trying not to laugh. The image of Shunsui trying to have that conversation and the resulting kido burn it was likely to get on the walls when she blasted him away was greatly enjoyable.

"Her friend threw her a dildo and some hard core hentai," Shunsui muttered.

"And you've got something better? Take her to Ratsu-san if you're so worried."

"They said they've already been," Shunsui replied.

"Then I'm sure Nanao-san knows what she needs to know," Jyuushiro comforted.

"She knows what goes where, not what is acceptable on a first date and what is acceptable only if you were brought up in a brothel," Shunsui argued sorting through hentai books and then tossing them aside. "Maybe I should take her to a brothel."

"Shunsui," Jyuushiro said sharply.

"What? I meant one of the upscale ones. One of the girls could sit down and have a talk with her," Shunsui said thoughtfully.

"If you take that little girl to a brothel I'm going to tell Yamamoto-sensei what happened to all the year end reviews last year," Jyuushiro threatened.

"Hey, you were the one that said she was growing up," Shunsui defended. "Now she's a little girl again?"

"Letting her have a heart to heart with a prostitute is probably not going to help the situation," Jyuushiro said shaking his head.

"You think they'd talk her into selling herself?" Shunsui asked obviously horrified.

"I think you're going off the deep end, old friend," Jyuushiro replied calmly. "It's just sex."

"But it's Nanao," Shunsui said softly. "It's not the same."

"Shun, I get the whole fatherly devotion and fear of someone corrupting your little girl, but it is going to happen and I doubt it will be that awful. You probably won't even know."  
"Hey, I'm much too handsome, dashing, and cavalier to be a father," Shunsui disagreed making a face at the word. "And Nanao-chan is free to have sex when she's much much older, has learned the word no in at least four different languages, and has found a suitable man."

"Define suitable," Jyuushiro said laughing.

"Someone who knows her, someone who would never ever do anything to harm her, and someone who is well aware how lucky he is to have her," Shunsui listed out firmly.

"I'm sure Akon-san is all of those things," Jyuushiro placated.

"Well it doesn't matter right now if he is or isn't," Shunsui said almost to himself as he thought over what he'd just said. "Because first _she _has to know how lucky the boy is to be with her too. That's really the girls that end up in bad situations and sleeping with the wrong guys, the ones that don't know how great they are all on their own. Trust me, I've met quite a few."

"Alright, so sit her down and have a self esteem talk," Jyuushiro offered.

"I couldn't do that," Shunsui said looking horrified. "It's so personal and she would definitely take it the wrong way. She'd think I was criticizing her."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Jyuushiro said cocking his head to the side. "You were comfortable telling her about sexual positions and taking her to a brothel, but talking about her self esteem is the issue?"

"Yes," Shunsui said simply. "So how do I get her to think highly of herself without her knowing that I'm doing it?"

Jyuushiro was silent. His friend had all ready gone around the bend on this topic as far as he was concerned. He wasn't sure there was anything he could do or say that would help. At least it looked like Ise wouldn't be having the uncomfortable birds and bees talk with the man. For that he could only be grateful. He'd learned a lot about sex from his friend during their academy days and none of it had been stated delicately. More often it started with the sentence, you wouldn't believe what I did last night. Not to mention everything he'd walked in on over the years. Shunsui was not good about locks and couldn't care less what people did or didn't know about his sex life. Yamamoto-sensei had once gone to personally reprimand Shunsui for some rule violation and had walked in and gotten an eyeful. Really the only one Shunsui had ever been careful around was Nanao.

"Ugh, maybe I just do the brothel idea," Shunsui said throwing his hands up.

"Shun, don't. There's got to be another way. How do you usually make people feel good about themselves?" Jyuushiro asked sighing.

"You want me to flirt with Nanao-chan?" Shunsui asked looking confused.

"What? Oh for kami sake, how do you make men feel good about themselves?" Jyuushiro clarified.

"I usually get them drunk and then help them get laid," Shunsui said looking horrified. "Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose?"

"I'm sorry I asked," Jyuushiro muttered.

"The flirting might work," Shunsui said thoughtfully. "Just a daily reminder that's she's beautiful and intelligent. And it might scare a few of the less desirables away if they think I'm going to come after them. Actually that's a wonderful idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it before."

"Shunsui, it's a perfectly idiotic idea," Jyuushiro said pinching the bridge of his nose. "She'll get the wrong idea."

"How could she get the wrong idea?" Shunsui said waving him off. "I think it will take care of everything nicely. Now do you want to stick around for some sake? You wouldn't leave your old friend high and dry stuck in his musty old division, would you?"

"I really think you might want to rethink this," Jyuushiro repeated.

"Rethink sake? Never," Shunsui declared. Then he started prying up a floorboard to get to one of his stashes and Jyuushiro knew the battle was already lost. He consoled himself with the fact that Nanao at least wouldn't get the much too detailed description of the perfect deep throat experience that Jyuushiro had been subjected to one drunken evening out with his friend. Compared to sitting through that, how bad could a little flirting be?

* * *

"Hey, you weren't given permission!" Jyuushiro sighed as he heard Kiyone yelling from the front of the office. He'd already been interrupted five times in the past two hours and he didn't think he'd be able to get through the huge stack of paperwork he had today. Maybe he'd shove some of it off on Kaien later. The door to the office slammed open and a very irate Ise Nanao stormed through, his fifth seats hot on her heels.

"You have to make him stop," Nanao demanded instantly.

"Who stop what?" he asked confused glancing at Sentaro to see if he was doing anything to perturb the girl.

"Kyouraku Taicho," Nanao clarified, and really he should have known.

"It's fine," he said smiling at his fifth seats and waiting till they left the room. "What's wrong?" he asked already being able to guess the answer. It'd been four days and he'd not seen hide nor hair of Shunsui although he'd heard some interesting tidbits of gossip.

The girl started to fidget and really he'd never seen her so undone by anything in the entire time he'd known her. "I don't know what happened, but you have to make him knock it off."

"Knock what off?" Jyuushiro asked leaning back in his seat.

The girl flushed a brilliant state of red that Jyuushiro didn't think could be healthy and then stood their silently for a few moments. "He's making ridiculous comments."

"Such as?" Jyuushiro asked, wondering if he was going to be sent to hell for enjoying teasing the child like this.

"Just comments," Nanao snapped and then seemed to realize her tone and backtracked. "I'm sorry Ukitake Taicho. He's just making inappropriate comments about my appearance and such."

"Have you reported this to the first?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "I don't want him to get in trouble. I just want him to stop."

"Have you told him this?"

The girl had enough spunk in her to roll her eyes at him and said, "Of course I did. You know him. I was just hoping you could talk to him about it."

"Sure," he said smiling. "But he isn't going to listen to me any better."

Nanao made a noise of distress in the back of her throat and crossed her arms across her middle looking thoroughly unsettled. "I just don't know why he's doing this."

"I believe he eventually does it to all women, Ise-san," Jyuushiro placated. "It's in his nature."

"But what set him off this," the girl started and then cut herself off as a look of realization passed over her features. Then she turned a whole new shade of scarlet and it took all of Jyuushiro's considerable will power to keep a slightly concerned and encouraging look on his face and not just burst into laughter. "Oh kami," Nanao whispered.

"Something wrong?" he asked benignly.

"What's that book?" Nanao asked suddenly throwing him by her sudden change of topic. He glanced where she was pointing and noticed a particularly dusty tome sitting on one of his shelves.

"I believe it's a theoretically analysis of how gates between worlds are set up and function," he said squinting at it. "It's pretty dry. I never got all the way through it."

"Can I have it?" she asked.

He blinked at her once, surprised by her blunt request and shook his head yes. Ise Nanao was not the type of girl to request anything ever, and he never knew she had any interest in the gates, although she was rather scholarly. He felt his friend's reiatsu and glanced at the girl as she blew the dust off the book and shot a look at his door. She'd realized Shunsui was on his way before even he had noticed.

"Guess he got that spell off?"

"It degraded over time," Nanao said stiffly watching the door like something was going to pop out and bite her. "It wore off yesterday unfortunately."

"Nanao-chan!" Kyouraku's voice rang out through the division. "Lovely, intrepid, beautiful Nanao-chan!"

The girl glanced at the window and for a moment Jyuushiro honestly thought she was going to bolt out of it. Instead she sighed and stood up perfectly straight to face the door as it banged open again for the seventh time that day.

"There you are, you quick little minx," Shunsui said giving her a grin and a wink. "You ran away before I could finish my poem about why all men should worship at your feet."

"I don't want to hear the rest of it," she snapped and it was the closest to open rebellion Jyuushiro had ever heard from her.

"But the second half is the best," Shunsui pouted creeping towards her. "It talks about your intelligence, and the way your graceful hands dance over an office form, and your exquisitely round and smooth-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Nanao growled.

"Why?" Shunsui asked looking overdramatically perturbed. "You don't like your signature kido ball? It really is fantastic."

"Sir, there has to be someone else you can read poetry to who would have a better appreciation of it," Nanao said tactfully.

"I get it," Shunsui said looking hurt. "You don't think my poetry is any good. You'd rather someone else be telling you these things."

"No, Taicho," Nanao said softening and not noticing the glint in Shunsui's eye. Oh, Kyouraku was having much too much fun with his newest game and the girl hadn't quite caught up yet. "I didn't mean it that way. I just think your time could be better spent on someone else."

"And deny the loveliest woman on the planet my best work?" Shunsui asked looking horrified. "If it's not good enough you can just say so and I'll go away. Find a dark deserted bar to drink in where no one will suffer from my poetry."

"Kyouraku Taicho, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Nanao said biting her lip nervously. Honestly, Shunsui had nothing to worry about in the first place. The girl was obviously clueless when it came to men. Jyuushiro highly doubted she'd even been aggressively flirted with by anyone except for his idiot friend at this point.

"I know what would make it better," Shunsui said and Jyuushiro could hear the mirth barely hidden in his tone.

"What's that?" Nanao asked wary again.

"Just a little kiss for your old Taicho," Shunsui said approaching her and presenting his cheek.

"Absolutely not, sir," Nanao said stonily.

"Fine, then I'll do the kissing," Shunsui said with a shrug. "You should have just asked." He approached her again and she leveled the book across the side of his incoming face.

"Absolutely. Not. Sir," the girl repeated sharply.

Shunsui wailed and cupped his cheek and whined something about her being a cruel mistress and that she must have some bad influences around to like it so rough. The girl turned another spectacular shade of red and then glared at him before announcing she had work to get done and he better not follow her on threat of her bruising more than just his face.

"Is that a promise, Nanao-chan?" he called after her retreating back.

"I can see her self esteem blossoming," Jyuushiro said dryly once she started shunpoing away.

"Right?" Shunsui said looking pleased. "It took her a few days, but I finally got her to physically reject me."

"You were trying to get her to hit you?" Jyuushiro asked surprised.

"Of course," Shunsui said like he was talking to a slow child. "It'll be a trained response soon enough. Some useless boy goes in for a kiss and wham, Nanao'll knock his lights out without even thinking about it."

"You have the most truly fucked up logic of anyone I have ever met."

"As long as it's still logical," Shunsui said smirking. "Well I must get going. Nanao-chan hits hard and I want to get this healed up at the 4th before I follow her around the office trying to convince her to go out for drinks with me. That should really get some rumors going and make a few less dedicated boys back off."

"I still think this whole plan is insane," Jyuushiro said, but Shunsui had already started humming and was walking out the door. "Just for the record is all," Jyuushiro said exasperatedly to the open air.

"Um, Taicho," Sentaro said peeking his head in a few moments later.

"Yes?"

"So is it true then that Kyouraku Taicho is in love with Ise-san?" the boy asked looking nervous. "Just curious is all."

"You'd have to ask him," Jyuushiro said lightly and watched the boy nod distractedly before slipping away.

Kami, the only thing he hated worse than Shunsui's insane schemes was when the insane schemes did exactly what they were supposed to do. Positive reinforcement was a wonderful reward when it came to his old friend. Poor Ise wasn't getting out of this anytime soon.

* * *

"Nanao-san! Over here!" Matsumoto called as Nanao entered the bar the following Friday.

She stormed over to the booth her friend was occupying and slammed her hands down on the table. "I am going to kill you."

"What'd I do?" Rangiku asked innocently.

"My Taicho won't leave me alone," she said.

"Oh yeah, heard about that," Rangiku said with an unconcerned laugh. "Everyone's talking about it. The girls in my dance class were positively seething with jealousy."

"This is the worst week ever," Nanao declared slumping down into the booth.

"Because a hot experienced older man is chasing you?" Rangiku asked curiously. "Show me the downside."

Nanao let her head thump down on the table and sighed. "This is all your fault."

"You're welcome," Rangiku said. "Wait, how is this my fault again?"

"You threw a dildo at me in front of him," Nanao hissed. "And practically implied I was having sex with Akon-san."

"Oh right," Rangiku laughed. "Not sure how that made this happen, but I stand by you're welcome."

"He's my _Taicho_," Nanao stressed. "Do you know how entirely inappropriate this is? What if the Soutaicho hears about this?"

"Taichos don't take a vow of celibacy," Rangiku said rolling her eyes.

"I hate you," Nanao said.

"No you don't," Rangiku laughed. "Besides I thought his song about your eyes was sweet."

"How the hell did you hear that?" Nanao demanded. "We were alone."

"Someone in the 8th overheard it," Rangiku said with a shrug. "Half the Seireitei's been singing it for the past two days."

"Right," Nanao said sternly. "It was a difficult decision, but I'm going to have to kill him." Rangiku just laughed as Nanao marched out of the bar.

* * *

She was pounding on his door and no one was answering. It was a stupid plan really. Actually it wasn't a plan at all. She would wait till he opened the door and then blast him so hard with kido he'd forget he even liked women. Nanao wasn't sure she was capable of it, but she'd be damned if she wasn't going to try.

"Yare, yare, I'm coming," he called. "You better be beautiful and naked." Nanao ground her teeth and waited for the door to open. When it did she got an eyeful of bare chest and was thrown off just long enough to loose the chance for a surprise shot. "Nanao-chan," he said grinning. "On second thought, seeing as it's you, I'm glad you aren't naked. The public doesn't deserve the pleasure."

"You," she said poking him hard in the chest. "Are seriously driving me mad. Do you know how many people are talking? Someone even heard that stupid song and spread it around."

"Eh, they'll get over it soon enough," Shunsui said with a shrug. "In fact, I have it on pretty good authority that Kuchiki might be announcing the adoption of a little sister shortly. We'll be old news."

"He's adopting a sister?" Nanao asked surprised. Nothing about the cold man she'd only seen at a distance and heard rumors about implied that he was big on family.

"See?" Shunsui said with a smile. "Instant distraction. Now, are you going out tonight or do you have time for a round of Go? I just brewed some tea if you're interested."

"I think I've had more than enough of your attentions for one day," she grimaced.

"So touchy," he said with a laugh. "Come on, I'll spend all of tomorrow telling you how utterly average you are if you can beat me at Go."

"And tonight?" she asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh, I don't have to lie until you beat me," he said grinning. "But I suppose I could cut back on the poetry for the evening."

"You're impossible," she said.

"Good thing you're so marvelous at handling difficult situations," he complimented.

"I'm going to beat you so hard you won't know what hit you," she said pushing passed him.

"I guess I better stop letting you win then," he said shutting the door and leading the way to his kitchen.

"You stopped letting me win when I was your fifth seat," Nanao said confidently.

"Someone's getting full of themselves," he said laughing.

"Whose fault is that?" she shot over her shoulder as she pulled his set down from a shelf.

"Fair point," Kyouraku agreed. "Alright I will never compliment you on your Go skills ever again."

"So do I just have to start saying I'm the most intelligent, beautiful, entertaining person alive to get you to stop complimenting me altogether?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Sure," he said easily. "You convince me you believe all those things and more and I'll stop complimenting you."

"Why are you really doing this?" she asked cocking her head to the side.

"Because I don't like telling lies," he said grinning.

"Kyouraku Taicho," she sighed.

"Because you are an intelligent beautiful young woman who should be reminded of it every day," he said with a laugh. "Plus its fun to see you blush. You'd think no one had ever commented on your eyes before."

Nanao blushed again and fiddled with a game piece. "No one ever has, at least not beyond them being weird."

"You're kidding me," he said setting the two tea cups down on the table next to the board. "Not even your boyfriend?"

Nanao glared at him and said, "Akon-san is not my boyfriend. We're just friends. Never listen to Matsumoto."

"Still, no compliments from him?" he asked sitting down.

"Of course," Nanao said rolling her eyes. "He thinks I'm great at math, which I am. People always compliment me for things like that, but not for my appearance. I think you have me mixed up with Matsumoto-san."

"Boys are idiots," Kyouraku said simply. "My Nanao-chan is the prettiest girl in the whole Seireitei."

"Now come on," Nanao said putting the first piece down on the board. "Even you don't believe that."

"Am I a drunk, Nanao-chan?" he asked.

"Yes," she said bluntly.

"And am I a womanizer?"

"Most definitely."

"But have I ever been a liar?" he asked moving his own piece.

Nanao paused for a moment and then answered honestly, "No."

"Well there you have it," he said leaning back in his chair.

"Then you're blind," Nanao muttered.

"Who's the one that needs glasses, Nanao-chan?" he asked with a laugh.

"I've seen the girls you go home with, sir, and they don't look like me," she commented setting her next piece down.

"That's because girls like you can do better than drunk womanizers like me," he replied with a wink.

"Now who's got the low self esteem?" Nanao asked with a snort.

Shunsui laughed outright at that. "Not low self esteem, high self awareness. Good girls like you should end up with upstanding boys like Kuchiki." Nanao made a face and he just laughed harder. "Not interested in Kuchiki Taicho, Nanao-chan? I thought all the girls turned to mush when he's around."

"He's too," Nanao paused to think about her next word and then finally settled on, "Nobel. It's your move, sir."

"Yare, yare, I'm getting there," he said smiling. "So what type of boys do make your knees go weak Nanao-chan? The scientist type?"

"How many times do I have to say he's not my boyfriend?" Nanao repeated rolling her eyes. "I don't know what my type is. I don't even like anyone that way."

"Well, whenever you do," Kyouraku started and placed a piece on the board before meeting her eyes, "Just remember you deserve the best in everything."

"How could I forget with you around?" Nanao asked sarcastically quickly moving to counter his last move.

"It's what I'm here for," he confirmed smiling. They played on in silence for a while before Nanao spoke up again.

"Boys don't really like tentacles do they, sir?" she asked quietly keeping her eyes planted firmly on the game board.

Shunsui knew he shouldn't laugh, but couldn't help it and the girl turned bright crimson all over again. "No, Nanao-chan. Most don't. Although I'd think if anyone did it'd be those boys from the 12th." It wouldn't hurt to discourage her even further.

"Yuck," Nanao said putting a piece down a little too fiercely. "I'd be creeped out if there was an octopus on me. I don't get it."

"Whenever you see an octopus just say no, Nanao-chan," he advised moving on the board.

"You know I'm about to capture all those stones, correct?" Nanao asked absentmindedly.

"What? No," he started and then studied the board more carefully. "Damn."

"Told you you stopped letting me win ages ago," she said smugly.

"Lucky move," he said lightly. "Wanna up the stakes of our little agreement?"

"What are you offering?" she asked interestedly.

"You win I leave you alone for a month," he said simply. "No compliments, no songs, no seeking you out to undo particularly pesky kido."

"And if you win?" she asked and then added, "not that it's likely."

"If I win, you have to introduce any potential boyfriend to me for the next year for approval," he said. "And to clarify potential boyfriend I mean any guy you hang out with on your free time."

"A year is hardly worth a month," Nanao argued.

"Well, I was working off the assumption that you wouldn't go through them like work forms," Shunsui said chucking. "A month of my not following you around means about 30 days of not having an almost constant annoyance. A year of introductions would boil down to what, maybe 5 guys if you go on a friend making spree?"

"What if I go out with Rangiku-san and meet twenty friendly guys in one night?" she asked.

"Alright any guy that you hang out with on your free time more than twice a week for a month," he said.

"You're so nosey."

"I won't have you dating hooligans," he said with a shrug. "Besides you're so confident you're going to win, what does it matter?"

"Fine, deal," she snapped, easily goaded into competition with him.

Several hours later Kyouraku was calmly sipping his tea while Nanao searched desperately for an out on the board. "Seeing anything, Nanao-chan?"

"This can't be right," she muttered continuing to look. "You haven't been letting me win."

"Didn't we establish that I'm not a liar?" he said simply. "Admit it, you lost the bet."

"I don't care about the stupid bet," Nanao said angrier than he'd expected. "There's no one for you to meet anyway. What's making me mad is that you've been losing on purpose! I don't want to beat you because you handed it to me!"

"I didn't want you to get discouraged," he said genuinely surprised. "You've gotten much better over the years, Nanao-chan."

"You are a liar," she hissed.

"What?" he asked seriously sitting up straight.

"You may not lie when you talk, but it was a lie every time I won," she said with narrowed eyes.

"I didn't mean you to take it that way, Nanao-chan," he said legitimately taken aback.

"We're playing again tomorrow as I'm too frustrated to even think right now," she ordered standing up. "And you are never_ letting_ me win again."

"Yare, yare, Nanao-chan, whatever you want," he placated. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just liked to see you smile when you won."

"You are incorrigible," she said deflating a bit. "I'm going to beat you fair and square tomorrow."

"And then you'll bring Akon-san around to be introduced?" Kyouraku asked putting on his best innocent face.

"I'm not dating Akon-san."

"More than twice a week, Nanao-chan," he answered.

"Fine," she said throwing her hands up. "But you've got one year to the day and then the next day I'm going to find the most awful boy you can imagine and date him and never let you meet him."

"Do what you need to," he said with a calm smile and walked her to the door. He waved goodbye as she shunpoed away and hummed a little tune. It was a good thing he knew just how to rile his Nanao-chan up and bring out her competitive streak. He'd be extending their bargain every chance he got for the foreseeable future. No boy was dating his Nanao-chan without passing his evaluation first. Oh, and what an evaluation he planned for it to be. Nanao-chan was in safe hands.

* * *

150 years later

* * *

"I don't approve," Kyouraku said suddenly as he moved a game piece onto the board.

"Approve of what?" Nanao asked raising an eyebrow.

"You're new boyfriend," Shunsui said. "I've met him and I don't approve."

Nanao rolled her eyes and countered his latest strike. "You've never approved of any of my boyfriends."

"They've never been good enough for you," he said simply focusing on the board between them.

"I should probably be the one judging that," Nanao commented.

"This new one is a drunk," Shunsui said candidly.

"I'm aware," she replied with a shrug.

"He's horribly lazy," Shunsui added putting a piece down.

"I know just how to motivate him," Nanao answered with a small smile.

"He's known to be a womanizer," Shunsui said frowning.

Nanao laughed and made her move. They'd been through this a dozen times before over the years with other potential suitors. "He says he'll change for me."

"Men lie," Shunsui argued.

"I know when this one is lying now," she said smiling.

"He definitely isn't good enough for you," Shunsui said taking his turn.

"Sir, you're really too hard on him," Nanao said calmingly. "He is all of those things, but I knew that before I fell for him."

"Fell for him? As in fell in love with?" Shunsui asked focusing on her sharply.

"I didn't say that," she answered passively moving on the board once again.

"He's at a dead end in his career. Not much room for promotion," Shunsui added as a final dig, laying a piece down and capturing three of hers.

Nanao ignored the last comment and moved her piece into place capturing eight of his pieces and then sat back with a satisfied grin. "You lose, sir."

He looked the board over for a few minutes and then sighed. "I let you win," he pouted.

"Didn't I just say I know when you're lying?" she asked laughing. Nanao stood up and came to his side of the table letting herself be trapped by his arm and pulled into his lap.

"I really am no good for you," he said resting his forehead against hers. "You should find someone better."

"Since when have I ever listened to your romantic advice?" she asked snuggling into him. "I've always dated who I wanted to despite your evaluations. Besides, don't you think you're being rather hard on yourself?"

"I like to be an objective evaluator," he answered with a grin, kissing the crown of her head.

"Good, you've done your part," she said. "Now I'll do mine by ignoring you completely. Besides, I personally have only one test boys who date me have to pass."

"And what's that?" he asked distracted as she kissed up the column of his neck.

"Octopus. Yea or nay?" He chuckled and she could feel it reverberate through her lips causing her to smile.

"Nay, Nanao-chan."

"You passed with flying colors," she said. "Now come on, let's go celebrate my victory."

"I love the way you like to celebrate," he said grinning down at her. She hummed an agreement and tugged on his hand as they moved back to the bedroom. He paused for a moment and made her look back at him. "Wait, you didn't celebrate like this with previous boyfriends did you?"

Nanao laughed outright and dropped his hand as she started moving through the house. "Sure did, got a problem with that?"

"I blame Matsumoto-san," he called with a laugh starting to follow her. "Always corrupting you."

"She is a terrible influence," Nanao agreed smiling as she slipped through his bedroom door. "After all it was her encouraging that finally got me to date you, and like you said, lazy, womanizing, drunk."

"Rangiku does have her inspired moments," he said catching her around the waist and bringing her back in close.

"Few and far between," Nanao agreed running her hands up his arms. "I can't believe you just evaluated yourself on the same standards you used for all the other guys."

"Well, I was banking on you doing what you always do and ignoring me completely," he said with a grin capturing her mouth with his.

"You know when you think about it, this was a rather long and round about plan to get me into bed," she said with a small breathless laugh when they broke off.

"Ew, Nanao-chan," he said making a face. "I wasn't trying to get you into bed when you were a teenager. I was just trying to make sure you didn't date idiots and jerks. I can't help it if you turned into the perfect woman somewhere along the way."

"Far from perfect," she said smiling.

"Perfect for me," he corrected.

"You know we have to be at work in five hours," she commented glancing at the clock.

"Motivate me," he answered grinning.

"I don't need you in the office that badly," she teased disentangling herself from him while taking her hair down from its updo.

"No fun," he pouted. "We were going to celebrate your win."

"True," Nanao said with a smile and pressed back up against him. She sent her reiatsu dancing along his, twining together wherever they could, and felt him shiver everywhere their bodies made contact.

"Kami, I love when you do that," he murmured pulling her closer.

"Benefits of dating a kido expert," she agreed.

"And did all the other guys get to celebrate with this too?" he asked in mock disappointment. For the most part he wasn't jealous of her previous lovers. He always liked to say he never cared if he was the first for her, only that he was the last.

"No, Shunsui," she answered honestly pulling him towards the bed. "This was and is always just for you."

Nanao felt his reiatsu flare up against hers and this time she was the one left shivering. Shunsui may not be able to pass his own evaluation, but he had passed all of hers. She was sure, like always, that she was the correct one.

"You really are beautiful," he murmured as he lowered them both down on the bed, and for once Nanao didn't argue with the compliment. In fact, though she'd never admit it aloud, she'd grown to quite enjoy them. "My girl's indigo eyes, they can't tell no lies," he started singing.

She kissed him to make him stop. She might have grown fond of the compliments, but he could keep his songs to himself.

* * *

**A/N: Taking a short break from my other story to write some fluff! I missed writing these two together and happy. I'm still not getting emails from , but please review anyway as I like to come on and look :) Reviews make me happy. **


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